Regretfully Indifferent

It is now 5AM on Saturday. My sister's roommate just got home and realized that she had locked her keys in her car. So thats where I've been for the past hour. Now I understand that coat hangers are not made of titanium, but i mean c'mon people. While trying to open her locks, I went through three regular wire hangers. THREE!! Now that is just ridiculous! I don't know when they started making coat hangers out of Jello, but whoever invented these Bill Cosby endorsed closet accessories had better rethink his stance on the issue. I intend on filing a formal complaint and it will go something like this...


Dear Mr. Hangerman,

I recently obtained 3 (three) of your "coat hangers" and attempted to use them in a fashion that they were never intended for. These "coat hangers" as you call them, did not work. They were obviously defective, and I would like a refund of the price of 3 (three) "coat hangers", plus a service charge of $25. I expect that you will deal with this issue promptly and in a manner that is lawful in most states (ie. Texas, Mississippi, Alaska...). Thank you for your incompetence and may God in Heaven have mercy on your greedy whoring soul.

With Love,
Jordan Andrew Miller


That should teach those retards a thing or two about the way we handle things "rawn heeyaw". And remember kids, every coat hanger that you buy funds terrorism. Fight the Power...