Changing Herself

Watching her choose the color of her hair was like being present as Michelangelo painted the Cistene Ceiling. For the next three to six months she was going to look exactly like the girl on that box, and I could tell that she took this seriously. The indecision that she exuded was almost tangible as she ran her fingers meticulously through the various sample locks of colored mane. I watched as she scanned the aisles for her perfect new look. She was beautiful. Her long blonde hair rested on her shoulder as a baby's head would rest on a mother's. Kneeling down, she pushed her hair gently behind her ear to get a better look at the model on the front of the box. I saw perfection in her eyes, she saw it only in these boxes. I was embarrassed. I hoped to never see this girl again for fear that she would be even more stunning with her new look, even though I doubted the possibility. Biting her lip, she looked around with fleeting glances. She was looking for someone. A husband? A boyfriend? Someone needed to affirm the decision, for it would affect everyone that looked at her. I would not have been much help, speechless. Suddenly a woman approached her. She was loud and boisterous. You could sense by their dynamic that she was the girl's mother. "Did you pick one yet?" she said, frustration pouring off her brow. "I just don't want you to be at my party with your hair looking like that." I cringed at the utter blindness of the statement. This girl was a goddess, but it still wasn't enough for her mother. I wondered if the young woman even wanted to change herself. I began to see the motive behind her indecision. It was because it wasn't her decision at all. As I walked away, I silently hoped that she stayed beautiful, and that someday, someone would tell her. Today I saw Helen of Troy changing herself.

Today, my friends, will go down in history as the day I cut my lip with a piece of toast. Seriously, it really hurts. My other mother, Joetta, had just finished serving me my breakfast of a BEST Sandwich (Bacon, Egg, fresh Spinach, and Tomato) on honey white bread (don't laugh Taylor. Honey White.) and a cup of coffee. I was reading the newspaper and was starting to consider myself somewhat informed, until that moment. I bit into my sandwhich and began to savor the flavor. I couldn't stop. I was eating like a madman. Bite after bite. Hand over fist. Then it happened. As I reached up for the last savory bite an article caught my eye. Sale at Penny's, WHAT! I had stuffed the last bite in my mouth at an angle, and the toast had cut my lip. It started bleeding. Then some pepper from the eggs got in it and it burned. This sandwhich was a metaphor for women. Delicious, but deadly. Chew on that for a while... NEW LIST ADDITION!!

you have an ominosity quotient of seven. you are as ominous as the creators of this quiz. which terrifies us. find out your ominosity quotient.

Jones Soda... ahh yes. So refreshing, so delicious. Drink up young people. I really don't have much to say because of this freaking stupid weather. The perpetual white is dulling my creativity. I went to school today for one class. My maintenance class got cancelled again. I swear I've only been to it like 5 or 6 times so far this semester. Ohh well, we never do anything in there. I'm thinking about adding a Tagboard to this site. That way you guys could post messages and cool stuff like that. I'm trying to make this as fun for you guys as it is for me. If thats possible. Fight the Power. Stay Informed.

So I'm not sure if everyone has heard the big news about POD kicking their lead guitarist, Marcos Curiel, to the curb. A statement issued by lead vocalist Sonny Sandoval states that “(Curiel) has chosen to pursue his own vision apart from P.O.D., never have we imagined P.O.D. without him, but we now know this vision is bigger than the four of us.” The news came as a shock to many, but nothing could prepare fans for the waves of backstabbing and stories of betrayal that were to come. According to MTV.com, Curiel said, "I was hoping I could do what Maynard [Keenan] does. He's in Tool and A Perfect Circle. That's obviously not the case here. It got pretty sticky at the end about 'You need to prioritize where you're at with your music and where you're at with your walk with God.' I'm like, 'You guys are tripping, dude. I just want to be an artist, and if I can't have that freedom, I just want to fly.' If someone asks me to play with them, if someone asks me to write a song, I just want to be able to do that." Both sides indicate that religious and philosophical differences contributed heavily to the break. Curiel says, "That was always an issue with them... It should have never been about that. It should have been about the music." Curiel did not comment on his religious beliefs to MTV, but he said he was tired of playing Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. "I hate the facade of putting on a mask in front of fans and then behind the scenes acting like someone else," he said. "I just want to be myself all the time." The guitarist said P.O.D. is not as righteous as their reputation. "The thing that's really bugging me out is the e-mail (that Sandoval sent to fans announcing the break) is portrayed all holy and sh--," he said of the letter, which ended with: "Please continue to keep P.O.D. and Marcos in your prayers. All our love is yours. Be blessed." In response Curiel states, "I hate that. That's one of the main differences we had is philosophy. They're putting that out because they know their market and they know what kids are going to say about all that."

Sounds like someone swallowed a bitter pill. This is the danger of opening our minds. Art is not the problem, it's the space that it leaves open to the mind. Without an artistic outlet, without meditating on scripture daily, without clear thinking and the ability to conveying those thoughts intelligently, sin can take hold of the dormant mind and makes it's home.

The band has already announced Curiel's replacement. The new guitarist for P.O.D. will be none other than Jason Truby. Few of you know of him, but those of you that do know him know that this guy is "Reborn Empowered". Truby played guitar for the great Living Sacrifice during and before the breakout Reborn album. It will be odd seeing a metalhead playing with rap-rock/nu-metal giants P.O.D., but it's also weird to see Rocky Gray play drums for Evanescence. We all must deal with these crazy times. It's just crazy to read rumors of P.O.D.'s questionable behind the scenes character. Especially coming from a late member. You can read the full disturbing article at RelevantMagazine.com

Ladies and Gentlemen... the Apocalypse is upon us. What makes you say that, Jordan? You're scaring the children, Jordan. Well I'll tell you why I say that... today while I was walking to class, I walked through 7 (seven) different types of water. That's right, 7 (seven). Let's make a list, shall we:

TYPES OF WATER THAT I STEPPED IN TODAY

1. WET WATER -- Yes kids, regular normal water. The same kind you give to your dog or pee in... or both... only colder.

2. ICE WATER -- It's like water and ice together. Also known as, "a refreshing beverage".

3. SLUSH -- Exactly what it sounds like. This rare not-quite-ice-not-quite-water mixture (just think "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman" there is a gray area! BRITNEY SAYS SO!) is usually only found during the summer months in those really small buildings on the side of the road. I was quite sure that it's presence during the Winter was a sign from God. (sidenote: I was never really comfortable with stopping on the side of the road and paying a stranger to give me a semi-solid yellow liquid in a cone shaped cup that leaks.)

4. SNOW -- Ohh, beloved snow. Be still my beating heart...

5. ICE -- Large chunks of water that have previously relinquished their whiny-baby liquid form and transformed themselves (through extreme will-power and sub 32F temperatures) into a hardcore solid form. This is why what you normally call ice, I call "Gangster Water".

6. ICE SNOW -- Yeah I know, its a stretch. This amalgam is so friggin cool and dangerous that it needs its own FOX special. "When ICE SNOW Attacks Part 2"! It's so misleading. Is it ice, is it snow, is it Kirby with razor blades and a bad cold? The world will never know.

7. POO SNOW -- It's the stuff that the plow trucks scoop off the road. It looks like snow that you wipe with. AKA "Charmin Snow" or "Durty White Trash"


And the most amazing thing about this whole concept of water types, it was 45F outside. The sun was shining and I was sliding. I need to go find the sledding kids and see if they'll give me a lift around campus. Fight the Power. Stay Informed.

Ally (who works at Goody's) just told me, "Some kid pooped in kiddie land and I had to clean it up after someone stepped in it. And the turd -- it was perfectly round."

Cracked me up. Enjoy

Don't be caught unprepared... :-)

Today at Fazoli's, I was waited on by Afroman. I know, I know, I was just as shocked as you are. I sat patiently, waiting to receive my Chicken Ceasar Club Panini and Large Coke (which has become my "Tuesday after Java class" meal). When the window finally opened, there he was. Afroman. I found the surprising lack of marijuana smoke wafting through the drive-thru window interesting at least. My glassy gaze met his bloodshot peepers as he handed me my meal in Fazoli's infamous "bags-that-could-hold-20-times-more-food-than-they-put-in-them". I fumbled over my usual words of appreciation. "Thanks Bro", I said. He just smiled like he had no clue who he was. I started to pull away, but the truth was eating at me. Was he himself? Wasn't he himself? I stopped abruptly, to the disapproval of the bouncing College girl behind me and the Camry that she drove. "Hey aren't you...", I said. He just winked and shut the window. That ended my bizarre sighting of a hip-hop icon.

Now I know what you are all thinking, "Why would he be working at Fazoli's if he made all that money off the pot song?" Well the answer is clear, my dear. He smoked away his fortune. He was gunna invest in mutual funds, but he got high. He was gunna open up a nice IHOP off the Jersey turnpike, but, yes you guessed it, he got high. This, my friends, is a classic case of the dangers of hip-hop excess. How many rap stars do you know that are stockholders? This same fate befell the legendary "Sir Mix Alot". His obsession with "big butts" led to bankruptcy when he was forced to take his girlfriend to McDonalds. This day, although sad for Mr. Alot, is celebrated by McDonalds every year in the month of July as "Rapper Appreciation Day", better known as, "The day we started the Dollar Menu". Now, thanks to Sir Mix Alot and his large girlfriend, we all have a McChoice. But is this apparent correlation between relinquished rapstar-dom and fast food franchises just a coincidence? Is it a fluke? Or is it ACTUALLY a conspiracy propagated by the US Postal Service and the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers (IBEW) to keep the black man from succeeding in life? You decide for yourself.

All of these shocking facts have led me to take action. The composition of the following list:

Consumer Items That Fund Terrorism

Coat Hangers
Marijuana
Fast Food

Now you have no reason to be uninformed. I will be adding items to this list periodically. If you know of any items that deserve to be on this list, please send an e-mail to me at pooroldluser@insightbb.com. Make sure to give proper supporting evidence as I will be starting a separate page for the list that will contain explanations as to their presence on the list. God Bless. Stay Informed. Fight the Power. Go see Afroman at the 6th street Fazoli's in Vincennes, IN.

As I walked I could feel a pull at my ankles. I wasn't sure if it was my brain trying to keep me from suffering through another painful Chemistry lecture, or if it was the foot and a half of literal slush that I was having to wade through. Every step became more and more sluggish. So I stopped and stood while my legs argued with my brain. This argument left me immobile in the middle of the parking lot, everybody's own personal Fire-Topped Caucasian statue. This dormancy allowed me to focus my attention on two young children about 4 or 5 years old. They were screaming and dancing and running around in the slush. I chuckled at this, because they had no clue that my legs and brain were at war. I watched them throw snowballs and tackle each other, all in good fun. Then suddenly they stopped, like a deer and driver that both know exactly what 4-letter word the other is thinking. Glancing over at an 8-foot high pile of snow, their minds were made up. As they proceeded to scale the wall of ice and snow, my legs started to win as my brain was preoccupied with their winter olympics. At the top of the mountain they stood like the Kings and Queens of fairytale lands. I almost expected them to claim the land with a fingerpainted flag, but instead one of the kids laid down on his back. I was compelled to find out what they had planned. As I approached the mound, the other child sat on the other's stomach, and with a swift shove off, slid down the ice mountain using his friend as a sled. They jumped up, embraced each other with a glow of joy that only a child can give, and began to scale the wall again. At the top they switched places, rider became sled and sled became rider. Up and down the hill. Over and over again, they slid down, never tiring of the high that comes from your body moving faster than your legs. Each time they traded places without question. By this time my legs had the obvious upper-hand and my brain was down for the 10-count. I chuckled again as I walked into the Chemistry lab that I affectionately deemed "Hell". The only words that my brain was allowed to say were, "Interesting Teamwork".

I just went to the movies with Chris. We saw Daredevil, and I must say... don't waste your money. He made a valid point that the whole plot was like Batman and Spiderman smooshed together only Batman and Spiderman are good and Daredevil isn't. I told him that its kinda like Crispy M'n'Ms. Crispy is good, everybody loves crispy. And M'n'Ms are good, we all love the M's. But Crispy M'n'Ms were an abomination before the Lord, and were thrown from glory not unlike Lucifer and his minions of darkness. The only redeeming feature of the movie was the uncannily gorgeous Jennifer Garner, who played the butt-kicking leading lady Elektra Nachocheesioso (sp?). Anyway... she's really hot and made the movie way better than it ever should have been. So if you're wanting to perv for about an hour and a half go ahead and pay the cashums, but if you truly would like to see a good movie... just go see Lord of the Rings. Doesn't matter which one. Now go... shoo... you're blocking the view of my minions of darkness.

I was just listening to Norah Jones. She makes some great music. I recommend that you check her out, it's good stuff.

It is now 5AM on Saturday. My sister's roommate just got home and realized that she had locked her keys in her car. So thats where I've been for the past hour. Now I understand that coat hangers are not made of titanium, but i mean c'mon people. While trying to open her locks, I went through three regular wire hangers. THREE!! Now that is just ridiculous! I don't know when they started making coat hangers out of Jello, but whoever invented these Bill Cosby endorsed closet accessories had better rethink his stance on the issue. I intend on filing a formal complaint and it will go something like this...


Dear Mr. Hangerman,

I recently obtained 3 (three) of your "coat hangers" and attempted to use them in a fashion that they were never intended for. These "coat hangers" as you call them, did not work. They were obviously defective, and I would like a refund of the price of 3 (three) "coat hangers", plus a service charge of $25. I expect that you will deal with this issue promptly and in a manner that is lawful in most states (ie. Texas, Mississippi, Alaska...). Thank you for your incompetence and may God in Heaven have mercy on your greedy whoring soul.

With Love,
Jordan Andrew Miller


That should teach those retards a thing or two about the way we handle things "rawn heeyaw". And remember kids, every coat hanger that you buy funds terrorism. Fight the Power...

Does anyone hate arguements with friends as much as me? I mean, in the end you pretty much still have to be friends with them, but it kinda puts a wall there that's so hard to knock down. And after a certain number of arguements and an evergrowing wall you need to part ways. That's not something you ever really want to do, but I think its done far to little. Friendships can be just as damaging as they are uplifting. I have had many bad friendships in my life and I like to think that I was smart enough each time to know when to back away. Love them, but leave them. Ohh by the way, I need a girlfriend. Goodnight.

Remember wrestler Curt "Mr. Perfect" Hennig from middle school? He was found dead in a Florida hotel room Monday at the age of 44 ...

I finally got the new Further Seems Forever CD "How To Start A Fire" in the mail today. It only took Best Buy 2 days to get it to me. They deserve a big hand clap (or a nice heterosexual buttpat). I've been listening to it for about 3 straight hours now, and I must say the CD is exceptional. I personally didn't think that they would be able to top "The Moon Is Down" especially after losing Chris to Dashboard Confessional, but this CD is just as good if not better. So yeah, pick it up at your local record store if you get a chance. Or get it from bestbuy.com who currently has it for the low low price of only $9.99. And yes Mike, I am an FSF whore. ><> Peace <><

Well I finally got a blog. I'm going to try and keep this thing updated fairly regularly with all of the great news and juicy gossip that surrounds me daily. Don't worry I'll keep it funny and interesting. This place will be your little doorway into my mind. Keep your hands and genitals inside the vehicle at all times. Enjoy the show.