Fight the Power. Stay Informed.
Today at Fazoli's, I was waited on by Afroman. I know, I know, I was just as shocked as you are. I sat patiently, waiting to receive my Chicken Ceasar Club Panini and Large Coke (which has become my "Tuesday after Java class" meal). When the window finally opened, there he was. Afroman. I found the surprising lack of marijuana smoke wafting through the drive-thru window interesting at least. My glassy gaze met his bloodshot peepers as he handed me my meal in Fazoli's infamous "bags-that-could-hold-20-times-more-food-than-they-put-in-them". I fumbled over my usual words of appreciation. "Thanks Bro", I said. He just smiled like he had no clue who he was. I started to pull away, but the truth was eating at me. Was he himself? Wasn't he himself? I stopped abruptly, to the disapproval of the bouncing College girl behind me and the Camry that she drove. "Hey aren't you...", I said. He just winked and shut the window. That ended my bizarre sighting of a hip-hop icon.
Now I know what you are all thinking, "Why would he be working at Fazoli's if he made all that money off the pot song?" Well the answer is clear, my dear. He smoked away his fortune. He was gunna invest in mutual funds, but he got high. He was gunna open up a nice IHOP off the Jersey turnpike, but, yes you guessed it, he got high. This, my friends, is a classic case of the dangers of hip-hop excess. How many rap stars do you know that are stockholders? This same fate befell the legendary "Sir Mix Alot". His obsession with "big butts" led to bankruptcy when he was forced to take his girlfriend to McDonalds. This day, although sad for Mr. Alot, is celebrated by McDonalds every year in the month of July as "Rapper Appreciation Day", better known as, "The day we started the Dollar Menu". Now, thanks to Sir Mix Alot and his large girlfriend, we all have a McChoice. But is this apparent correlation between relinquished rapstar-dom and fast food franchises just a coincidence? Is it a fluke? Or is it ACTUALLY a conspiracy propagated by the US Postal Service and the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers (IBEW) to keep the black man from succeeding in life? You decide for yourself.
All of these shocking facts have led me to take action. The composition of the following list:
Consumer Items That Fund Terrorism
Now you have no reason to be uninformed. I will be adding items to this list periodically. If you know of any items that deserve to be on this list, please send an e-mail to me at email@example.com. Make sure to give proper supporting evidence as I will be starting a separate page for the list that will contain explanations as to their presence on the list. God Bless. Stay Informed. Fight the Power. Go see Afroman at the 6th street Fazoli's in Vincennes, IN.