Regretfully Indifferent

Today I was sitting at the park, when I saw the coolest thing ever. Two old ladies about 60 or 70 were taking their afternoon brisk walk around the park. I could tell that there was something different about them, because one of the ladies had white hair with *black* streaks in it. "Very hardcore for an old lady" I thought to myself. As they neared my van I could see that one of them was wearing a black T-Shirt with the words, "Don't Get Mad. GET NAKED!" on the front. Dang that was funny. The other one's shirt simply said, "Emo is Awesome". I was floored. These ladies were emo-kids! I imagined them discussing At The Drive-In or Conor Oberst's shaky vocals. I decided to test my theory. I threw in my new FSF CD and turned it way up. As they passed my van one of the ladies looked at me. I just smiled and she winked. I couldn't help but think, "If only I had met her 50 years sooner." So I decided to make a list, because life is made entirely of lists. So here you go:

TOP 10 REASONS IT WOULD RULE TO MARRY AN OLD LADY

TEN: She's full of funny stories and anecdotes from the Great Depression.

NINE: You'll NEVER again forget to wear clean underwear just incase you're in an accident.

EIGHT: No more bad hair days. She standing ready with a comb and a wad of spit as soon as you wake up.

SEVEN: She most probably can't get pregnant, so ixnay on the ondomcays.

SIX: It's the only real way to get logical advise from a spouse.

FIVE: Sometimes they are actually still hot. Ann-Margret anyone? Merideth Vierra will still be hot when she's 110.

FOUR: She won't remember your anniversary either.

THREE: You can do anything you want at night. She'll be out like a light right around 9:30.

TWO: 3 meals a day. 7 days a week. And if you're a good boy, maybe a light snack inbetween.

ONE: 401K... Social Security... Medicaid... All-You-Can-Eat discounts... Handicapped Parking...